The post is back

Due to popular demand i am reposting this:

Strange observation:
Ladies toilet sign: Why is the woman always standing?


My T-shirt line:
Women should not wear brass.

Me in 2007

Professionally speaking new job, my first national print campaign, my first (maybe last) modelling assignment, my first official office picnic, my first win in juwaa at the office picnic, my first entries for awards, my first contribution in office decoration…


Personally speaking, my first anniversary, my first surgery, my first bunch of love letters from my current and future and beyond girlfriend, my first experience of a bachelor party, my first gym, my first belly, my first pair of Levi’s shoes…


There are more of them but I can’t seem to remember. Will keep on adding later. On the bad stuff that happened, well it’s forgotten.


Wishing you a Happy New 2008!

Sorry

Due to the objectionable nature of the content. I have deleted the earlier post.

A sleepless night and birth of an idea.

I am a sound sleeper. No dreams, once sleep hits me I pass out till the alarm rings. I wake up, shut it down, go back to sleep till mom’s voice start ringing in my ears. Late for office again, my daily routine.

Last week was different, just couldn’t sleep. Reason: alcohol. Sounds weird right but then I am twisted.

On my way to finding sleep I stumbled upon some weird idea. Subconscious mind finding vague images, bringing together everything what my mind had stored, combining every word I memorised and then the birth of an idea.

The idea: A man trapped in a box. Can’t get out of it. Like a mindless being he bangs at the walls, wanting to get out, waiting to get out... headline: Stuck in a box? The Brand: Naukri.com or maybe something else.

The alarm just rang. Time to wake up. Bye bye.

My reason to beer... oops cheer!

I've been saving enough liquid i.e. water all these years. Not bathing on weekends is a big task you see.
To add to this 'contribution' to the save water motto, I've got another idea. I quote it below guys and trust me it's for a cause:

"If you feel thirsty, opt for beer. Yeah it quenches your thirst without wasting the essential H2O."

Cause it's a weekend!

"You are so lazy, and unhygienic."
"No I'm not. It's for a cause."
"Cause? What cause? It's coz you are lazy."


Well well... she'll neva understand. I care for the "save water" cause. I genuinely wish to save water. She follows drinking 8 glasses of water everyday for some goddamn healthy reason. Somebody needs to compensate for this excess usage (read wastage) of water.

So I do. I do not take a bath on Sundays. Ok, this time on a Saturday as well. But it's for a big cause. Think about the millions of litres of water that is wasted across the world every day. Think about each of us simply avoiding the bathing tradition for a day or two in a week. Imagine the amount of water saved.

But gals, will they ever understand that we men aren't dirty and unhygienic and all that? We just care for the world. We are the saviours, their saviours and they don't care.

Guys, join me in the mission to save water and the world shall be proud of you. Simply be a couch potato on weekends, play games, eat, laze around but just don't take a bath. And when the women blabber, simply ignore. Coz it's for a cause!

Beowulf - The movie, my experience.

CAST (source: movies.about.com) -
KING HROTHGAR - Anthony Hopkins
BEOWULF - Ray Winstone
GRENDEL'S MOTHER - Angelina Jolie
GRENDEL - Crispin Glover
UNFERTH - John Malkovich
URSULA - Alison Lohman
WIGLAF - Brendan Gleeson
WEALTHOW - Robin Wright Penn

CREW (source: movies.about.com):
Director: Robert Zemeckis
Movie hall: Fun Republic (Andheri)


Some movies you wish your talkative girlfriend would keep quiet. Beowulf is one of them. Adapted from a poem (for more details on history go on to wikipedia), Beowulf is a very realistic animated movie, why I say so because at the beginning I had to say, “It’s an animated movie honey!” and she replied if it looks so real why not use real people? I’ll disclose the why in the following.

Events in first half:
King Hrothgar and men celebrating.
Anthony Hopkins’s butt flash (the first why)
Introducing Grendel
Introducing Beowulf
Seamonsters
Introducing Grendel’s mother
Virtually nude Angelina Jolie (the last and final and big why)
Temptation
Beowulf the King with free Queen

Events in second half:
Guilt-filled Beowulf
Beowulf playmate
Dragon born
Climax
The end.

In summary Beowulf is a one-time watch. Nothing spectacular in the storyline but one thing I should say thou. Men can’t say no to hot sexy Angelina Jolie.

When I smile, I shine!

The Happydent White ad was truly amazing, a brilliant piece of work. Having teeth as bright as a light bulb though is unrealistic but it is an accepted proposition and an aspiration as well.

The fact is when you smile from your heart, it shows... it shines. Like in this picture where I smile while listening to a beautiful song!

The History Of M&M

In the late 80s when Manik & Me met in the park as babies we had this idea of opening a company. Both young enthusiastic babies, both had potential, ideas decided it would be a .com and the name would be yum & yum but alas! Both fell asleep so the first corporate meeting ended with a snore of thanks by both the chiefs.
In the early 90s again another meeting took place this time we decided what the content would be and the name changed to Chum&Chum.

In the year 1995 another corporate meeting took place this time everything was finalized and the name was changed to M&M. We then included Anand and Donu on fukat basis to handle the site design and finance respectively.
Then the official launch of the website took place on the 20 of July 2001 at midnight by President George Bush and Atalji. And the inauguration of the site ended by a yawn from the chief editor. Jyada fekene main kya jaata hai.

The struggle of M&M

Year 1995: M&M sets up a pan ka dukaan. Still there in king circle. Super success of mitha paan (M&M special) Sets up new 100 branches. Lakhpati in 2 weeks. Then M&M invested in IT sector…and a new revolution begins…. Major Profits….400%. Crorepati…then we measured our potential and decided to establish our own Business Ventures
Year 1997: M&M invests in Hotel Business. Setup few 5-star hotels in Europe ONLY Profits again… Then one day came a call from Late Dewang Mehta…. and he offered a job (post of GM) in his company (NASSCOM). M&M rejectes the proposal (reason: didn’t like his Hair Style). M&M setup Hospitals all over India. M&M in top 5 companies in INDIA. Net gross $40 million.

Year 1999: Atal congratulated M&M on contributions to society and on becoming the no.1 Dot COM in INDIA. M&M joined hands with Microsoft for development of IT in INDIA. BILL GATES inaugurates M&M International. M&M plans to open business ventures across the globe except Pakistan &Afghanistan. Net gross $200 million.

Year 2001: M&M adopts 40 villages in Gujarat. Donates 40crores for rehabilitation for Quake Victims. M&M enters film industry: Produces MUJHE KUCH KARNA HAI. Starring: Mrinal, Manik, Amisha Patel, Kareena Kapoor, Father (in negative role). M&M launches SANCHAR.20M.COM

Kumar ki Prem Kathaa.........

Wokay so kums getting married ...itna jaldi bhai? Is the question popping up in u r mind... anyways the story starts in this style.. Kums was going on his bike an suddenly a Zen hits his bike ....Apna Kums ko gussa aa gaya and opened the door of the car and suddenly aankhe mili aur pyar ho gaya.. yes folks love at frust sight (pun intended) well Kums comes to his senses ...and says in a calm way (usually while talking to a girl OUTSIDE sanchar. Kums talks calmly surprising Ain't it?)"Aap ne meri bike ko scratch diya hai par us se bada scratch mere dil par diya hai "romantic ain't it? Anyways like in pictures runnin around trees and bushes and hangin in gardens, parks ...going to the beaches enjoyin nariyal paani....he was in heaven......And then the most darawna cheez his GF did to him ..she sang ...."Shayad meri shaadi ka khayal .....isi liye mom's and dad's ne ghar pe lunch par bulaya hai". Kums reaction AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA our reaction..... AAAAAAAAAAAA ....
Anyways he went there........ first reaction of Kums was I am in hell.......well his sasur asked "Honewale damadji aapka age, sex, height, weight, past life "Kums answered the sex part incorrectly.... censored version ...what to do we r like this only... Ok sasu asked "meri beti ko khush rakh sakoge kya??" to this Kums replied yes with my tond ki kasam (this tond which our don adored like anything) The next thing was the biggest regret of life 'marriage' but it has its own fun..........
Kums future plans two saand jrs. who bullies Asha (courtesy of don`s dreemzzzzzz)this may seem like a dreeemmmzzzzzzzzzz but it ain`t.........

Dreemzzz 2

Trinnnnnng..the alarm interfering my beauty sleep..
Asha jumping on top of me screaming her lungs out "Papa Papa we have to go to Sanchar..father is getting married ..sleepily I replied "Whose father ?"...Asha disgustingly "Papa ..u r not only irrethponsible but also bhulakad..today is 25 dec...father uncle is getting married today" coming back to my (non) senses...I woke up and hurryingly did all my morning necessaties ...The next thing to worry was what should I wear ...so I called my wife"Nirasha dear ..What should I wear for the wedding?"...
"Wear that black suite"..Asha running in replied "No Papa ...wear that grey shuite u look better in that.." so here I was stuck between hopelessness n hope...Anyways after some nahi nahi and "haa haaaas" ..I got my attire according to my Asha ..So Sanchar here we come...
Driving by the Portuguese church..looking at the christmas decorations...then turning right ....we could see our
destination ... coming nearer n nearer until I see the gate of Sanchar..after getting in...parked the car ..I got down n sudden reflex action I looked up ..fingers running through the hair ..I is back...
Bright lights on father and Deepika (Kanwaljit Kaur
refused to get converted so change of plans)And here I am standing with Sumedh and Ani who was interested in discussing how to patafy the girl sitting at a distant corner ...both Casanovas ..here comes Mrinal with Lord as usual lord with his 100 watt smile (or rather laugh both r the same)Sunny ,Donu ,Ankit indulging in their engineering theories (pass hoke time ho gaya fir bhi aadat nahi gayi)Manik with some gori ..doing something chupke chuke and chori chori
..Sushil with 'Gore' (pronounced go-ray ,the white dog in Sanchar..Uncle Sam with VijayaLaxmi ..Kumar with his wife and Sandy 1 n Sandy 2 ..(of course whole family is called Sandy sr.& Mrs. Sandy for obivious reasons)..Father at last out of the limelite came and joined our happy n.. group and..Kanchi and Manju were giving discount on kelas and bread respectively..Dr. Khanna obiviously holding the tokri ..Some Vijay was cursing his luck and foreigner Vijay was with some videsi lady ..The changes in them was very vivid but still old memories came to light once again..all the leg pulling and stuff ...still the spirit of sanchar remains and will remain ..
Lastly as usual somebody always there to interrupt a good dream ..but this time it was ..

Torture -ek (shuru hone se pehle full stop) prem katha.

After a long time I am writing a story about someone I know. Not necessarily a Sancharian. Anyway it all started when he got transferred to a new place. The first day in his new flat was exciting, all the freshly painted walls, all the new arrangements, a new room. A new neighbor. The real story starts when our hero opens the door and sees his first true love. This is how he describes her to me "Yaar she is an Artist’s dream, her glowing hair, her deep black eyes, her beautifully carved teeth." This is how his friends reacted "God save this dude, he is in love with the neighbor's dog". "No! U dumb asses it's the girl I am talking about" he replied angrily. His friends replied "God save this dude, the dog was better". Take two: The most difficult part of a guy's life. To patafy a girl. He goes to his friends and begs them to help him. So his friend’s suggestions were “Gift her something, directly propose to her dude, wait till Valentines Day..Wiagra…wiagra…” The hero thought and thought till he finally came up with an idea. The idea was first to patafy family then the chori (sounds filmy doesn't it?). So the constant Namaste Aunty and Namaste Uncle, and regular vists made him a sort of the family. Even the dog liked him now. The first part of his strategy worked. The family had a good impression on him. Now the next step was to patafy the girl. Our hero came close to proposing but then her father got transferred and end of love story rather disappointing end. Anyways it seems he still is in constant touch with her. Well expect a sequel then.

Creative writing

Father (Karthik ) to commit Suicide
Situation: Father on terrace top to commit suicide

Reason: Pasanthi aur uske motichoor ladoo nahi mile.

Father: Mausijeee agar mujhe Pasanthi ke ladoo nahi mile toh main yaha se kood jaonga.

Mausiji: Beta koodna mat Pasanthi abhi ladoo bana rahi hai.

Father: Chup kar budiya, when I commit suicide mausi going jail and then mausi chaki peesing peesing & peesing.

Sri: Ortho utar ja neeche tere liye main New Year main solo dance karoonga.

Manik: Ooa Ooa abe ortho Father.

Father: Yeh Ooa Ooa kya kar raha hai kuch lete kyu nahi.

Anand: Utar ja main tujhe action shoes deta hoo.

Kanchan: 12 rupiya dozen, 12 rupiya dozen.

Manju: 7-rupaiya bread 7 rupaiya bread.

Mridul: Abe Father hee hee utar hee hee ja hee hee.

Mrinal: Abe Father hic hic utar hic hic ja hic hic.

Bhai: Saale @###@$ Agar kudega na toh tera toh #@$#^*^@ hai.

Kumar: Abe father mujhe aur meri biwi ko blessing de ke kood.

Sumedh: Abe chod Pasanthi sirf meri hai.

Ani: Aur uske ladoo mera hai.

Sunny: #@$@%# Abe Father @!###Q$@%$# koood na jaldi @$$#@$%#%$#

Father: jhaad ke peeche jha tu.

Sushil: Tujhe meri behno ki kasam neeche utar.

Father: Saale behen $@#$, mandaar chod ke aa.

Sushil: Ja kood. …Teri pasanthi aur tu #@$@%$#%$#.

Father: Saale, Kamino Jesus tumhe kabhi maaf nahi karega. Pasanthi tumhari ho sakti hai par ladoo toh sirf mere hi honge.

Mausiji: Beta lo Pasanthi ki ladoo aagaye abhi toh neeche utar.

Father: Arre chup budiya main sirf Pasanthi ke haat se ladoo khaunga.

Pasanthi: Lo main aagayi ye laadoo abhi layee ab toh utar neeche.

Father: Ok sanchar walo Ladoo bhi aa gaye Pasanthi bhi aa gayi toh marna cancel abhi main neeche aa raha hoo.

बेबी अत्तेम्प्त on poetry

Dream Girl

I stare at my light
Such a wonderful sight
Now I know how heaven is
Each time without thee, hell is


I stare at my light
Such wonderful delight
Fairer then the fairest
Moderate and modest


I stare at my light
Shining so bright
Thou are my inspiration
Perfect person of my perception


Thou are my dream girl…

Early writing dayz

Kumar’s Marriage Reception…
It was a weird seeing Kumar getting married. This guy who was my friend since childhood suddenly gets married (Although in egroups he got married thrice and that also by me.) So there I was that too standing first, I was kinda nervous u may think y and I say I don’t know exactly y, probably this situation was something which definitely none of us were expecting or I didn’t know what to say should I say congrats dude or should I say barbaad ho gaya tu just kidding.
Enough boring ya all now what happened when I reached there… I just entered the hall and saw Kumar just looking at us and I guess he was thinking r they looking at my wife. But he knew we r very nice fellars. So we waited for the rest of the junta to assemble cause we traveled by different cars. Sweet orange rasna was offered and we observed Kums who showing his trade mark two toothed smile bichare ko bahut practise ho gaya rahega savere aur shyam haste hua. After 30 min. the guys came and we stood in the Q. 16 of us starting from Mrinal, Manik, Ankit, Manju, Kanchan, Sumedh, Anirudha (pls. Visit golmal.20m.com Abh khush ani), Taru ( Note: I would just like to add that Taru was looking pretty good now this line will raise eyebrows but u see me has no such wild intentions. It’s just a compliment from one person to another and this line ends there. And I feel a certain somebody will get jealous and I also know that some person will expect that person to get jealous), Sushil, Sudhir, Sunny, Rahul, Mukesh, Mridul, Kartik. So there we were standing three rows all happy n GAY taking pics, me giving Kums a shendi that two twice. Then we all ran towards the food but was quiet disappointing to eat standing. So the day ended with me thanking uncle and Kums for invitation and the khana. And we saw mehndi on Kums ha! HA! HA! Will the real dulhan pls. Stand up… On the gifts we had messages: On the bada box me wrote hope this love lasts till the end of days. May Ur future be bright as the stars we take great pride in Ur achievement.
On the other gift we wrote to Oman applicant rejected and his wife We knew u were not qualified to be an Oman and V 2 R 2....in Hindi it means ‘Hum do hamare do’

pot shot thriller quote

hardworking is a concept when working is hard...philosophy from the toilet seat....it stinks...i know.